Lights Out

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:02:43 GMT

I keep floating down the river but the ocean never comes
Since the operation I heard you're breathing just for one
Now everything is imaginary, especially what you love
You left another message, said it's done
It's done

When I hear beautiful music it's always from another time
Old friends I never visit, I remember what they're like
Standing on a doorstep full of nervous butterflies
Waiting to be asked to come inside
Just come inside

But I keep going out
I can't sleep next to a stranger when I'm coming down
It's 8 a.m., my heart is beating too loud
Too loud
Don't be so amazing or I'll miss you too much
I felt something that I had never touched
Everything gets smaller now the further that I go
Towards the mouth and the reunion of the known and the unknown
Consider yourself lucky if you think of it as home
You can move mountains with your misery if you don't
If you don't

It comes to me in fragments, even those still split in two
Under the leaves of that old lime tree I stood examining the fruit
Some were ripe and some were rotten, I felt naseous with the truth
There will never be a time more opportune

So I just won't be late
The window closes, shocks roll over in a tidal wave
And all the color drains out of the frame
So pleased with a daydream that now living is no good
I took off my shoes and walked into the woods
I felt lost and found with every step I took

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 21:27:51 GMT

Sometimes, I really do feel totally alone. Not in a depressing, sad, I hate my life sort of way. More in the sense that I feel totally detached from everything happening to the people around me, even people that I would consider close friends. I'm not placing blame on anyone. I just feel like I've become that person that's just always "too busy" or something. I don't know. I don't like it.

I'm moved in, I finally have the internet again, I'm making good money at both my jobs, my family has been really amazing and helpful the past couple months, and I'm in love.

So....why do I feel some sort of void? Or like I don't know certain people anymore? Why can't I shake these feelings?

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 04:19:53 GMT

It's nice to know what's really important in life.

An update:

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 00:58:22 GMT

Right now...I'm at work. yeah...this is what i do at my new job. haha. it's so easy.

James is the best thing to come into my life in a long time.

I'm moving in two weeks.

Starbucks is still going okay...although, I love working at Covedale wayyyy better.

My cast is finally off. I still can't move my hand all the way yet.

I'm really tired.

I miss allie.

I miss lindsey.

I really miss the fuck out of ashley. I just barely have free time anymore.

But all in all, life is pretty damn good.

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 04:11:30 GMT

james=perfection

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 06:06:43 GMT

There isn't a day that goes by that you don't cross through my mind and that I don't despise you becuase of it.

If there was ever a way to erase you from my memory, I would do it in a heart beat if only to go three hours without wondering what you're doing, who you're with, if I've crossed through your mind, and why you're the person you are.

But at the same time, every day I let go a little more...then a little more. And my friends help me with that. If it wasn't for them on a daily basis making me laugh and smile through life, I don't know where I'd be.

I've been working too much to feel even a little sad. So, it doesn't matter...but I don't sleep as much as I should either and I should be more careful so I don't get sick..

My life is great right now, I just want you out of my mind for 24 hours. Even not speaking to me, you some how manage to mess with my head...I'm actually impressed if anything.

Now, that I got that out, I really should be sleeping. I have to work again tomorrow and then I'm off threee daysssssss!!! WOOT! I expect hangouts.

I already know I'll see my girls. I love you guys sooo soo much. Ashley, Kendra, Vanessa, and Amy. I love us being together so much (even though with all us girls cramped up...we tend to get bitchy soemtimes) and I love that we're all super close. We can do anything together and have a good time. Even if it's sitting in vanessa's messy dorm room watching she and amy clean it while we all just sit around listening to music.

I would love to see allieee too, but I know you're so busy with your job. But...summer time. I can't wait. And maybe sometime after work this week, we can catch up. You're still the one person I know I can tell anything to and you'll always be there for me. I love you. I'm so happy we're friends and have been for so long. :)

I'm having some kelley withdrawlssss too! You're my bff and you're always doing silly math homework. We need to hit up the park this week when kroger and math aren't sucking the life out of you. <3

Andd I'm going to see caitlin tomorrow night and try to cheer her up. I'm not sure what I'll do yet, but we'll just have a girls night. :) You are the one person I graduated with that I talk to at least once a week. I feel we've gotten fairly close since high school and I love you.

Without any of you guys in my life...I'm sure I would be a nut job half the time...even more so than I already am.

I just wanted to make a semi positive entry (minus the first part) and let everyone know how much I appreciate you all. Especailly since everyone else on here has been making nice lj entries about how much they appreciate all their friends. I have to jump on the bandwaggon.

Goodnight!

Things I'm sick of in my life:

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 05:59:00 GMT

A list of all the thing I'm really sick of in my life and plan on changing:

1. Wasting so much of my time on the internet. (Not off to a great start so far)

2. Investing so much of my time caring what others think about me.

3. Living my life by other people's rules.

4. People giving me their opinions when I don't ask for them. Fuck off.

5. Smoking. I'm really going to quit for good.

6. Being the "yes man" in pretty much any situation. Ex.: Working 8 straight days and then when I get a day off, haveing trouble saying no when someone asks me to take their shift. Or someone asking me "Is that okay...or...is this cool" and me saying yes when I really mean no.

7. Not being comfortable being single.

8. My mind coming to realizations my heart just won't accept.

9. Still giving the time of day to people that ignore me. What the hell is my problem?

10. The fact that I quit enjoying the little things in life.

11. Feeling so dependent on material objects, such as my cell phone or the internet. Some days I feel like throwing my phone in the trash.

On a more positive note, there are a lot of things that I love in my life right now such as my awesome friends, my job, my family, the great weather, and having time to sleep. It's not all bad, just some personal things I need to work on.

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 06:47:12 GMT

There is a such thing as trying too hard.

Gotta know when to give up and give in.

Doesn't make me a quitter, it just keeps me sane.

Things I really miss about you...

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 16:51:57 GMT

Our long drives around town listening to loud music
Sleepovers
Borrowing eachothers clothes on a daily basis
Long talks
Cat calling in hipton
Loving paris and nicole together
Dressing up for no reason and going out in public
Getting drunk and having our own dance parties
The summer
Myspace picture taking anywhere and everywhere
Mt. Echo park
The way we told eachother everything
Watching MTV all day with your mom in bed
The way you always made me feel better
Hanging out at night on your back deck just talking about nothing
Dinner dates at red lobster
How we could be around eachother for days at a time and still have things to talk about
The way we did nothing at all and still had fun always

I miss you. And not in the general context. I miss my best friend.

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 00:57:43 GMT

I've been awake since 7 am!!! ughhh.

Christmas was really fun this year. I got good stuff and had fun with the family. I got sick off the spiked egg nog. Here's what "Santa" brought me this year.

Hell yeah!!
I also got, 140 dollass and 5 gift cards that I will be spending tomorrow. I got a new hair straightner, a necklace, an entire set of professional make up bruses, a bunch of lip glosses, the devil wears prada on dvd, a bath and body works bath set thing, and a cook book entitled "How to boil water--life after take out." Ha. Ha. Real funny mom and dad.

We also had a ton of people come over for a huge dinner and I just sorta laid around and relaxed. I hope everyone else had a nice christmas as well. :)

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 00:55:13 GMT

Let it die and get out of my mind
We don't see eye to eye
Or hear ear to ear

Don't you wish that we could forget that kiss
And see this for what it is
That we're not in love

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

It was hard to tell just how I felt
To not recognize myself
I started to fade away

And after all it won't take long to fall in love
Now I know what I don't want
I learned that with you

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 13:45:15 GMT

I would very much like to hang out with my friends over the next week or so.

Allie, Amanda, Caitlin, Tasha, Kelley, Vanessa...ect.

Let's make plans and have some fun.

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 14:33:48 GMT

Comment plz to be added!